next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
