I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
