my vag is so smooth its legendary
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
