Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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