if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
