How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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