Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
ok first of all what the fuck
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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