it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
