Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
