I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
