stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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