I showed him my bush... on skype.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
