i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
