How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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