i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
