Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
