It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
