For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
