I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
