I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
