Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
