All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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