Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
