bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
