Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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