sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
