So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He told me they were just razor bumps!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
