did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
