Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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