Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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