If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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