it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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