I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
