All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
