im drinking this country out of the recession.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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