Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
