Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
