as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
