Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
