I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
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We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
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I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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