I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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