What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
