im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
