Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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