his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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