I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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