I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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