She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
