So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
