No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
