Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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