My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
