I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
