I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
