apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
