Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
