I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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