i would punch a child for taco bell
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
