Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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