i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
