Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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