Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
