Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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