k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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