I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
