i jhust puked up my retainher.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
