What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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