you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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