Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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