So drunk its hurt
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
