fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
