It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
